I am Me, and I am enough.

enough

A whirlwind of changes yet again, have left me embracing my own fragility.

Fragile is not something I would have ever been comfortable describing myself as before. Not completely comfortable with it now. However, I recognize that there are parts of my being that are tender, raw, and vulnerable. And for the first time in my life, I am coming to a place where I can appreciate that. The weight of having to be strong all of the time, slowly being lifted.

Embracing the damage that was done. Choosing to heal from it. As painful as it is, I choose daily to be better.

I choose to stare down the insecurities that plague me, and believe that I AM WORTHY OF BEING LOVED. Never having realized before, that I was hiding behind my own capacity to love, yet not believing that I was worthy of receiving it. The most painful realization has been seeing myself for all of the strengths that I embody, yet fully recognizing that beliving that “I am not good enough” negates those strengths.

It matters not, how I came to believe that I am not enough….it only matters that I choose to embrace that I am.

It matters not, how I came to believe that I am not worthy of being loved….it only matters that I accept that I do.

It matters not, why I feel alone in a room full of people on some days…..it only matters that I will choose to escape the loneliness, and learn how to live again.

Because……

I am enough. I am not perfect. But I am MORE than enough.

I am reminded of this daily when I see the love in my childrens eyes. When I hear my friends tell me they love me, and that they have my back….and I do not doubt that they mean it.

I see that I am enough when I hear the genuine joy escaping the lips of my children as they begin to laugh again from their souls. I see them healing. I see them loving. Without fear of rejection, or abandonment…they love. They inspire me to do the same.

And while my heart will likely always be closely guarded and protected, the courage I see within the children I have been blessed to have in my life strengthens me and uplifts me in a way I cannot do justice to with mere words.

So today I say, I am enough.

I am strong. I am love. I am blessed. I am me.

I am powerful. I am loved. I am humbled. I am me.

I am me. And I am enough.

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Change is our only constant.

The changes that come with life are constant and consistent. The absolute ONLY thing we can count on in life is that there will be change. There will be small and subtle changes, as well as substantial changes that leave us questioning everything we thought we once knew. It is what you do after the reeling stops that defines who you are. It is who you become during and on the other side of these changes that will be your legacy. I desire my legacy to be one of love, wisdom, strength, resilience, and compassion. I will fail. I will fall. I will do things that unintentionally hurt others, but I will ALWAYS apologize. I will ALWAYS learn from them. And I will ALWAYS have a heart big enough to shelter those whom I love, and who have my back. So, regardless of the constant and ever changing things that make up this life…..I will ALWAYS stand up right in my convictions, and be humbled beyond measure to live in a world where I am able to feel the love that surrounds me daily.
I will fall….but I will ALWAYS get back up.

“I will not hide my face
I will not fall from grace
I’ll walk into the fire, baby
All my life I was afraid to die
But now I come alive inside these flames
I don’t need you to save me
‘Cause I’m a survivor
Yeah, I am a fighter”

Not only will I get back up…but I will choose to thrive instead of survive.

“From the ashes emerged a being more beautiful than the world had ever seen before, nor would ever see again.”

My beautiful existence….

Contemplative would be the best word to describe my state of mind recently.

I recently returned from a vacation that left my mind cleared and heart renewed. No fancy places, beaches, resorts, or pina coladas. Just a beautiful place, where I was welcomed with so much love and genuine hearts, it left me humbled beyond measure.

I have been very blessed in my life when it comes to friendships. Some that have spanned many years, some that have had breaks and reunions, some that have been as steady and constant as the intake of oxygen. Some that were always there, but never “available” to me until recently. All of them, are each special in their own way and all of them I am beyond thankful for. Words could never actually convey my appreciation in fact.

So, contemplative is the best word to use for both my heart and my mind. Because the relationships within my world help hold me accountable, and growth oriented. Most importantly they help keep me resolved to navigating through the valleys with determination, and inspire that determination to increase daily.

The dynamic of my world has changed so profoundly, yet the things that have been and are being birthed from this change are enough to leave me filled with such humility I cannot even attempt to describe.

I am honored to live this life.

And regardless of the valleys….I wouldn’t change a single thing. Not a one.

Because this journey is not about where you end up, but more importantly….how you got there. ❤

friendship

May 7th Photo-A-Day Challenge: Trees!

May Photo-A-Day Challenge: Trees!

Supposed to be trees today. So, you will see trees in the background. Lots of native foliage in fact to Boquete region of Panama where we were when I took this picture.

But of course, what I saw was the beautiful Indian woman. Working diligently to start the fire needed to prepare that evenings meal. Her and her family had traveled by foot for who knows how many days. She was doing nothing more than the same thing she does every day. And yet…I was enamored with her. Amazed by her quiet strength. Her subtle beauty. Her being.

I don’t know what it is about my soul that desires to walk with those like her, and every other culture. If able, I would have gladly strapped on a bag, and went home with her. Living where they live. Eating what they eat. Working as hard as they work. I vow to Someday….do exactly that.

Wanderlust consumes my very soul. And….I wouldn’t have it any other way.

May 6th Photo-A-Day Challeng: Beverages!

May 6th Photo-A-Day Challeng: Beverages!

When I get exhausted with daily things…I find myself reminiscing about our time in Central America. I find my heart longing for it. I loved everything about the sights, smells, tastes, and experiences we had there. Even the painful experiences. I loved them all.

Here you will see one of my favorite photos from our time visiting with the indigenous tribes of Panama’s Boquete region. These sweet girls were so excited to have been given these juices! The Ngöbe Bugle are a beautiful people plagued by a thousand things I care not get into at this moment. Because none the less, they are beautiful. Their very presence humbled me. Many of them, had never seen a blond haired, green eyed white woman before. It was an eye opening, and beautiful experience that I will NEVER forget. One that I have committed to having again sometime within the near future.

May 5th Photo-A-Day Challenge: Clouds!

cloudsThis is a re-blogged picture from last years challenge. I searched and searched for a picture better, and could not find one that I had taken. I also attempted to take one…nothing. So, enjoy this piece of pretty again this year folks, as it is by far my most beautiful captured image to date. xoxoxo!

May 4th Photo-A-Day Challenge: Something I cannot live without!

May 4th Photo-A-Day Challenge: Something I cannot live without!

Espresso.
It’s deep aroma fills the space that it inhabits.
The smell taking me back to different places within the recess of my mind.
It is exciting. Fulfilling. Intoxicating.

It is more than a cup of Espresso.
It is an experience.